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How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

Last Updated: 23.06.2025 01:12

How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

By giving up the notion that someone has to “win” or that anyone loses by saying “you are right”, “I am sorry”, or “I can do better.”

By resolving to listen with curiosity rather than defensiveness.

By taking turns talking.

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By keeping in mind it’s OK to have different opinions and different experiences, and they both matter in equal measure.

By wanting to truly understand each other, despite feeling unheard.

By deciding to stop with the criticism and the nagging and instead say thank you for everything you do for me. Thank you for loving me.

I have been married for 34 years, and I found out my wife lied, and cheated a lot back before we got married. Does she not change, or is it possible she is still a cheater?

By learning to validate what the other is feeling. “I can absolutely see why you feel this way.”

By internalizing that responding with kindness is strength, not weakness.